** Caution: somewhat graphic photos are included in this post. Might want to shoo the kiddos away from the computer.
Somehow this morning my husband and I landed on the topic of men’s underwear. Don’t ask. I can’t remember what sparked the conversation. Nobody was standing there in their underwear; we were actually in the car.
Anyhow, so a couple of issues were at the heart of this riveting but brief (ha ha!) discussion:
(1) What is that slit-opening thing in the front of men’s underwear for anyway?
(2) Briefs or boxers?
I’m not going to reveal Michael’s thoughts on these topics, but I will say that we did not find ourselves in total agreement on either. Wanting to get to the bottom (bada bing!) of this important subject, I did what any reasonable twenty-first century woman would do: I took it to Facebook.
The purpose of the opening in the front of men’s underwear seems to be somewhat of a mystery to a lot of folks. Theories I gathered included ventilation (???), easy access for peeing, and my personal favorite, room for expansion (well, it wasn’t put that way in so many words, but that was the gist). I’ve always believed it to be there for purposes of peeing. Not even sure where I got this idea, except that I grew up with two brothers. Not that I was in the habit of watching them pee. Except when I was very little, and I apparently got the idea in my head that I, too, could pee standing up. Ahhh, memories . . . Anyhow, this belief of mine is confirmed, I believe, by the fact that my Spanx has just such an opening in the crotch “for ease when nature calls” (directly from the Spanx website; and for what it’s worth, let me just say that this was clearly designed by a MAN, because any woman would know that a woman cannot possibly pee through such an opening without disastrous results).
Well, I’m right. Read it for yourself on Wikipedia: Briefs. I will just say for the record that I apparently know more about men’s underwear than my husband does.
Moving on to the next important question: briefs or boxers? My Facebook survey yielded an overwhelming response from the ladies in favor of boxers, or more specifically boxer briefs.
Let’s face it: it’s next to impossible for even a decent-looking guy to pull the look of tighty-whities off -
Boxers, on the other hand, are MANLY. They shout MAN! There’s nothing babyish about ‘em.
Okay, a final note: men’s bikini underwear? Just no. Okay? It’s wrong. And a little frightening!
** No photos contained in this post include anyone the author knows personally; they were all obtained from Google Images for purposes of this sociological research project.