Still feeling a little trepidation about my new, as-yet-unknown duties as Team Mom for Daisy’s t-ball team, my friend Robin sent this to me this morning in an effort to bolster my confidence:

Wow, congrats!  You are embarking on quite a journey.
As far as I can tell, the responsibilities of the team mom are as follows:
1.        Go to team mom meeting at beginning of season.
2.       Be available by phone to calm down the other moms.
3.       Fight with other team moms on which booth the team will staff at the carnival.
4.       Assign other moms to be in charge of everything else: the end of season party, snack booth schedule, weekly snacks.  (btw tell them they need to have appropriately labeled,  decorated and themed snack bags for players or they won’t win the mommy wars).
5.       Tell everyone else what they should get for the coach(es) at the end of the season.
6.       Bring easy up to games.
7.       Help find wayward siblings at games/practices.
8.       Cheer your head off for your team!  Go xxx go!!!

Hmm, I think I can manage this.  And it all plays right into my evil plan to win the Mommy Wars and take over the world!

But wait.  Suddenly my plan is foiled!  I received my first official instructional email this morning from my nemesis, the Team Mom from Joey’s team last season!  Who just happens to be “Auxillary President/Secretary/Ways & Means” (copied from the signature line of her email) of our Little League division.  The Mother of All Mothers.  Queen Bee.  Why is she my nemesis, you ask?  Her Queen Bee ways just rubbed me every wrong way when she was our team mom, from having to listen to her make important calls on her cell phone while sitting in the stands at every game to a little scuffle about fundraising which involved her reaching from behind me in the stands during a game and sticking a coupon book in my face and saying, “Here, you need to sell these.”  I kind of brushed her off, and Michael tells me that this made an impression on her and “Won’t she be surprised to see your name on the list of Team Parent volunteers? (chortle, chortle)”

So the question now is: can I beat her at her own game?  Let us analyze each of our assets and liabilities, shall we?

Queen Bee:

Moi:

Look, I have wayyyyy more assets.  And no liabilities!

My friend Robin followed her initial note to me this morning with this:

Almost forgot, you do all this for a (select one from the following list)

1.       $10 gift card, hopefully to somewhere you like
2.       Picture frame
3.       Lotion/soap

With a thank you note, all in a fancy gift bag done up by one of the other mommy-war competitors.

I will win the Mommy Wars, by God!!

Mommy wars