Let’s Talk About Men’s Underwear, Shall We?

** Caution: somewhat graphic photos are included in this post.  Might want to shoo the kiddos away from the computer.

Somehow this morning my husband and I landed on the topic of men’s underwear.  Don’t ask.  I can’t remember what sparked the conversation.  Nobody was standing there in their underwear; we were actually in the car.

Anyhow, so a couple of issues were at the heart of this riveting but brief (ha ha!) discussion:

(1) What is that slit-opening thing in the front of men’s underwear for anyway?

(2)  Briefs or boxers?

I’m not going to reveal Michael’s thoughts on these topics, but I will say that we did not find ourselves in total agreement on either.  Wanting to get to the bottom (bada bing!) of this important subject, I did what any reasonable twenty-first century woman would do: I took it to Facebook.

The purpose of the opening in the front of men’s underwear seems to be somewhat of a mystery to a lot of folks.  Theories I gathered included ventilation (???), easy access for peeing, and my personal favorite, room for expansion (well, it wasn’t put that way in so many words, but that was the gist).  I’ve always believed it to be there for purposes of peeing.  Not even sure where I got this idea, except that I grew up with two brothers.  Not that I was in the habit of watching them pee.  Except when I was very little, and I apparently got the idea in my head that I, too, could pee standing up.  Ahhh, memories . . .  Anyhow, this belief of mine is confirmed, I believe, by the fact that my Spanx has just such an opening in the crotch “for ease when nature calls” (directly from the Spanx website; and for what it’s worth, let me just say that this was clearly designed by a MAN, because any woman would know that a woman cannot possibly pee through such an opening without disastrous results).

Well, I’m right.  Read it for yourself on Wikipedia:  Briefs.  I will just say for the record that I apparently know more about men’s underwear than my husband does.

Moving on to the next important question:  briefs or boxers?  My Facebook survey yielded an overwhelming response from the ladies in favor of boxers, or more specifically boxer briefs.

Let’s face it: it’s next to impossible for even a decent-looking guy to pull the look of tighty-whities off –

Trying to put my finger on what the problem is with them . . . they just look extremely functional, and vaguely diaperish.

Boxers, on the other hand, are MANLY.  They shout MAN!  There’s nothing babyish about ’em.

Even better, if the guy’s got the bod and is so inclined: boxer briefs.  Manly.  Attractive.  Nothing at all wrong with these –

For the record, I’ve put my boys in boxer briefs since they were big enough to fit into them.  Future daughters-in-law, you’re welcome.

Okay, a final note: men’s bikini underwear?  Just no.  Okay?  It’s wrong.  And a little frightening!

** No photos contained in this post include anyone the author knows personally; they were all obtained from Google Images for purposes of this sociological research project.

7 Comments on “Let’s Talk About Men’s Underwear, Shall We?”

  1. Wendy
    May 17, 2011 at 2:56 pm #

    Don’t forget those men who may not wear anything..

  2. Asha
    May 17, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    Boxer briefs and boxers here. It’s funny because with 4 boys in underweare I ran into problems with sorting them. Now I buy each boy a different brand and problem solved! Ha!

    I am still wondering about that opening in the front. I think it’s useless.

  3. Nathan
    May 21, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

    Hmmm…my girlfriend loves my tighty whities. She gets mad when I wear boxers. She certainly doesn’t complain with boxerbriefs. I think the fit really is important. For example, the guy above looks dorky solely because he’s wearing extremely baggy tighty whities…that really aren’t so “tighty.”

  4. Jackie
    May 25, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    I always thought the “slit” thingy was to pee out of? LOL! I also say boxer briefs!

  5. mikey
    June 19, 2011 at 6:24 am #

    Guys wearing tighty whities have gotten a bad rap because most guys dont know how to wear the proper size or how to wear them correctly. I wouldn’t trade in my briefs for those no style drab boring baggy boxer briefs. Come on guys have a sense of style and fashion.

  6. Allen
    June 12, 2012 at 2:01 am #

    it is 2012 briefs come n different colors now so tighty whites r ok but color ones r hot im gay and i like men n briefs or boxers briefs and the bikini briefs r good for tanning


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