3,650 Days, Give or Take


It’s funny . . . last year on our wedding anniversary, I wrote something heartfelt about the ups and downs of marriage, about being naive and utterly clueless when you exchange vows about anything that life is going to throw at you.   Although I was sincere in expressing a certain respect and reverence for the unknown of it all, still, I remember clearly at that time having this feeling that we had somehow arrived.  That we had been tested as much as a couple could be tested, and we had faced it all down and come out of it as strong and sure as any couple could be.  There was a certain, vague arrogance . . . like a vaccine, all the troubled waters we had bested had somehow made us immune to further strife.

And I look back a year now, and realize how naive I still was.  Because the truth is, none of us ever gets to say that we’ve arrived.  None of us ever knows what life is going to dish out next, and whether that helping of adversity might knock your feet out from under you.

I’m not here to complain or wallow in all the sadness and unfairness.  Life is good, and rich, it truly, truly is.  But it’s been a tough year.  And with each passing year, I learn a little more about myself, about my husband, about marriage, about life.  Happily Ever After is not a destination, or even a goal that is achievable.  It’s a journey, a constant work in progress.

Michael gave me a card on our tenth wedding anniversary yesterday in which he wrote a beautiful, long poem.  These words will dwell in my heart:

I think love may be like a well,

But it is not just for wishing upon,

Or to dip from;

It needs replenishing constantly,

And much tending to by its owners

In order for the well to run deep,

And remain deep.

Here’s to love, life, and family . . . and all the pain and joy and richness of it all.

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7 Comments on “3,650 Days, Give or Take”

  1. Alyson
    July 21, 2011 at 7:21 pm #

    Happy anniversary!!!
    Is it weird that I just teared up as I read the poem then scrolled down to the pictures? I love Michael’s sentiments.

  2. mumofone
    July 22, 2011 at 2:48 am #

    Hey Lisa – if its 10 years shouldn’t it be 3,650 days not 3065 days 🙂

    • Lisa
      July 22, 2011 at 3:20 am #

      My bad – thanks!

  3. Anna
    July 22, 2011 at 9:46 am #

    this poem, your family, your marriage… they are all awesomeness incarnate…

    I disagree, you do have to say ‘we have arrived’, at least in some respects…

  4. Maggie
    July 22, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve been reading your blog awhile now, and often something you’ve said strikes a chord in me. But this post strikes deeper, and clearer, and could hardly be more perfectly timed for my reading this morning.

    My 26th wedding anniversary is coming up. Last year we couldn’t decide what to do to celebrate our 25th, and in the end did nothing, after two false starts. What we discovered then was that we had almost no overlap in activities we both enjoyed. This year we’re spending more time together, being more conscious about tending the relationship. Sometimes it feels like progress, sometimes it has felt futile.

    But Michael’s poem says a great deal to me this morning, and so does your post.

    And what lovely pictures!

    Thanks so much.

  5. Alice
    August 14, 2011 at 1:51 am #

    Lisa, I stumbled upon your blog by googling another blog that shall remain nameless. You know the one….the one where you talked about not having anything in common with the blogger who had a child with Ds. I then was directed to your new blog when you decided to end the old one. All I can say is that I love that you are so much more real. I happen to know that other blogger personally and I too am offended by the sickly sweet life that is expressed on the blog. I don’t have a child with Ds but I do know that it comes with heartache, frustration, struggle and not new red pumps and lipstick. Most of us moms have to work or at least are not able to dress up and skip to the lake at all hours of the day. Life and motherhood are not all about baking cookies. I don’t appreciate bloggers that make life out to be some stupid fairytale. It just isn’t. I also don’t appreciate her professing to be the saint of motherhood. I didn’t breast feed my kids until they were two or three, I didn’t have tea parties every day, or dance with my daughter in her ballet class……but you know what? My kids are 23 and 25 and they think I am a pretty damn good mom! I know this post is in response to a post of yours from a while ago but it took me a while to find you. I have been wanting to tell you these things for a long time. I love your blog and share your opinions on soooo many things! I think you are awesome!
    Alice

    • Lisa
      August 14, 2011 at 2:14 am #

      Thank you, Alice!

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