It’s been stalking me for a couple of weeks already . . . that melancholy that creeps up on me every year as summer break draws to a close. This year, it’s hitting me particularly hard; it’s a year of big milestones and transitions, and that, coupled with my already fragile emotional state in the wake of the struggles our family has had over the last several months, well, let’s just say this mama is having a hard time letting her babies go.
Tomorrow is the first day back to school. Kevin will start high school. He’s caught in that weird limbo between boy and man. His pediatrician informed us this summer that Kevin’s shot up 9 inches (NINE inches!) and 33 pounds since his last physical a year and a half ago. He wears men’s sizes in shoes and clothes now. It’s a little strange to look at this boy who is bigger and taller than me now and think that I gave birth to him. He’s nervous about starting high school, about the newness and unknown of it all. I’m nervous for him, but trying to convey confidence to him. This is a new chapter for him and for us, and sometimes thinking about all the changes that the next few years will surely hold for him makes my heart ache.
Lilah is starting kindergarten. I can hardly wrap my head around it – kindergarten. She stopped being a baby when I wasn’t looking, apparently.
You never realize when they’re born just how fast they’re going to grow up. And every year, every summer, just seems to whip by more quickly than the last, and I am left wallowing in nostalgia, wondering if I made the most of the time I had with my kids this summer.
So tonight it’s early baths, early dinner, early bedtime, and tomorrow morning I will try very hard not to cry when I see my kids off to their first day of school. Or at least I’ll try very hard to not let them see me cry.