Late Pregnancy Musings


 

Today I am 39 weeks pregnant – or 40 weeks if you go by my original due date.  In any case, Baby Girl is still cozy inside.

It’s been a week of emotional ups and downs.  That cold turned into a full-blown flu, and I’m still not completely over it, though feeling better than I was a couple days ago. Feeling that crappy this late in pregnancy has been no fun at all!  Also, my blood pressure has been up and down all week, which has heightened my stress level, which . . . probably hasn’t helped my blood pressure.  It seems to be okay for now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.  I’m keeping an eye on it and taking all kinds of extra measures per my midwife to keep it in a healthy range.  Oy.

I don’t know how much stock I put into the mind-body connection, but sometimes I wonder if anxiety about this impending birth might play a part in baby taking her sweet time in coming.  Not that I’m feeling impatient.  Yet.

I wonder if I’m up for this.  For labor.  For giving birth.  I guess I have to be, right?  I also wonder if I’m carrying around emotional baggage from Finn’s birth and the aftermath.  I’m not sure.  I just want everyone to be okay.

I realize now that saying, “I just want a healthy baby” is a loaded statement.  Or at least an ambiguous one.  What does it mean?  I guess it probably means different things to different people.  For me, from my own vantage point, it really just means that I want her (and me) to come through the birth unscathed, and that I hope she doesn’t have any issues that will require surgery or hospitalization.

This is the first pregnancy I’ve had that Kevin has been less than thrilled about pretty much the entire time.  I have no doubt that his age is part of it – being 15 and realizing exactly how your mom got into this condition is, I’m sure, horrifying.  He also remembers very well the aftermath of Finn’s birth and is worried that this baby won’t be okay.  It’s not Down syndrome that any of us are scared of, it’s health issues, the possibility of the baby having to go to the hospital.  Also, I finally dragged it out of him that he’s afraid to get attached because of the age difference!  He’s afraid that he won’t really have a relationship with her anyway because he’s 15 1/2 years older than she will be and will likely be out on his own when she’s still little.  I can see his point, and honestly, I find it very touching that he even thinks about stuff like that.

All the other kids are very excited (though worried, too, about the possibility of Mom or baby having to go to the hospital), except Finn who really just doesn’t get it that there’s a baby in Mommy’s tummy.  I think he’ll be okay with the idea, though, once she’s here.

So, we wait.

 

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6 Comments on “Late Pregnancy Musings”

  1. Grace
    June 16, 2012 at 3:12 am #

    Lisa!!!! I’m on this journey with you, 36 weeks today and I’m all over the ups and downs, I’m not sure how much is Nolan having ds or like you just thinking of ALL the things that can go wrong that I never thought of before, I have been waiting and watching with you, so exciting and scary as shit too!!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

  2. Alyson
    June 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    I am positive that the aftermath of Finn’s birth is what has you feeling like this. I remember constantly checking your blog when Finn was in the hospital and all that you went through. I really believe that this baby girl is going to be able to stay home with you and not have any medical issues.
    Giving birth is hard and having gone through it so many times, I think you remember it more clearly. Try to focus on that surreal but exhilarating moment of seeing that baby as she comes out. That overwhelming emotion…it never gets old;)
    I will be thinking of you Lisa and can’t wait to hear about it all. ((( hugs))) and love

  3. Deanna
    June 16, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

    I keep checking your wall to see if there are any updates. Sending good thoughts and well wishes your way during this waiting time and soon-to-birth!

    • Lisa
      June 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm #

      Thanks, Deanna, that means a lot to me!

  4. Emily
    June 17, 2012 at 12:54 pm #

    My dad and his sister are 13 years apart. And while there are only 2 of them they are best friends!!! Kevin seems so mature for his age but I bet he becomes attached quickly. I have read your blog since Finn was born and I am waiting anxiously. More for the name than anything!! Love your kid’s names, especially the girls! 🙂

  5. Rebekka K. Steg
    June 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    I hope everything goes well, and I’m looking forward to seeing your baby!

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