Managing a Large Family

A reader asked me a while back about managing so many kids as far as morning and evening routines (sorry it’s taken me this long to remember to get to this, Amy!).  It isn’t easy!

First, I will say that I’m a stickler for routine.  Being the type-A personality that I am, organization is a must.  That is not to say that I run things around here with military precision (if only!), or that things even tend to run very smoothly (they usually don’t), but in order to have some small modicum of orderliness, we try to stick to a general routine:

On school days, I set my alarm for 6:15.  Kevin has zero period, so he starts school at 7:00 a.m.  He was walking to school until I realized, before we changed the clocks recently at the end of Daylight Savings Time, that it was still dark when he left the house at 6:20.  Call me an overprotective, paranoid mom, but I suddenly began having visions of  – well, let’s just say horrible visions, even though he’s almost 16.  So I started driving him to school, intending to have him start walking again with the time change.  However, of course, my driving him has stuck, so, yeah, I drive him to school.

The other kids start school at 8:40.  The girls – Annabelle, Daisy, and Lilah, that is (who share a room) – get up around 6:00 a.m. no matter if it’s a school day or not, regardless of what time they go to bed.  So on school days, I don’t have to get them up, because chances are, they’re up already.  The rule is, if Daddy or I aren’t up already and it’s a school day, they are to stay in their room quietly until we get up.  However, it’s not uncommon for the three of them to be in their room raising hell at 5:30 a.m.

If Michael isn’t in a rush to get to work, he’ll get the kids their cereal in the morning.  Sometimes I do it when I get back from taking Kevin to school.  They’re getting better about getting it themselves, but in all honesty, I’d rather Michael or I do it so as to control the portions and the mess.  The girls and Joey, of course, get themselves dressed, etc. (although they apparently need twenty reminders every single day).  I let Scarlett lay in our bed after I get up for as long as she’s willing to; first thing in the morning seems to be her most content part of the day, and she will often lay in our bed amusing herself by staring at her hands or chewing on the covers for an hour.  I get Finn up around 7:00, and I try to spend some quiet time with him, sitting in the rocking chair in his room.  Then he and I have a quick breakfast together.  I make the kids’ sandwiches the night before, and they finish up making their lunches for school after they get dressed in the morning.  After they’re all dressed, teeth are brushed, lunches are made, etc., they’re allowed to watch TV until it’s time to go.  Meanwhile, I clean up the kitchen, make the beds (I know it’s ridiculous, but I cannot leave the house in the morning with unmade beds), and I might throw a load of laundry in the washing machine.  We leave the house at about 8:25 to head to school; in good weather and if I’m feeling ambitious, I walk the kids to school.  If I’m feeling lazy and/or on days Finn has preschool, I drive them to school.

The kids get out of school at 3:00 p.m. (except Wednesdays, with the exception of Kevin, they get out at 1:00ish).  When we get home, they have snacks and then do their homework.

Have I mentioned how much I hate elementary school homework?  In case I haven’t, let me just say it: I HATE HOMEWORK.  You can make all the arguments in favor of it that you want, but you will not sell me on the idea that homework in the primary grades does anything except rob kids of free time (which they should have after spending 6+ hours of their day at school), rob families of family time, create tension between kids and parents, and foster resentment – not love – of schoolwork.

So they spend their afternoon doing homework.  It usually involves much whining, or at the very least, stalling.  The teachers say that a first grader (Lilah) should be spending no more than 20 minutes on her homework, plus 20 minutes of mandatory reading, and third graders (Annabelle and Daisy) should be spending no more than about 40 minutes a day on homework (plus mandatory reading).  It never works out that way – ever.  It always takes at least twice as long as the prescribed time, no matter what threats, bargaining tools, reasoning, or rewards I offer.

When they do finally complete their homework (and I’m mainly talking about the three girls; Joey and Kevin, thank goodness, are both pretty self-directed as far as homework goes), it’s 4:30 – 5:00.  No time to go play outside.  I have the three girls take their showers before dinner because with this many kids, we’d be up until midnight having them all take their showers after dinner.  Kevin and Joey shower after dinner.  Bath time for Finn and Scarlett is much more lax, as I can bathe them during the day when everyone else is at school, and neither of them even require daily baths yet; I bathe them about every other day.

I try to get dinner started by 5:00 – 5:30, with the hope of having dinner on the table by 6:00 – 6:30 (which is roughly when Michael usually gets home from work).  Michael and I share kitchen clean-up duties, and then we divide and conquer to get the kids to bed.  We try to have Finn and the girls in bed by 7:30 (that’s right!).  Kevin and Joey are allowed to stay up until 8:30, and then they can read in bed until 9:00, and then lights out.  Yes, my teenager has a 9:00 bedtime.  He needs the sleep – and I need the sanity of having them all in bed at a decent time.  Right now, Scarlett is usually a wreck by early evening due to the fact that she’s kind of a horrible napper, so I wrap her up tight, nurse her to sleep and put her in her swing around the time we’re sitting down to dinner, and if things go well, she’ll stay there until I’m ready to go to bed around 10:00 – 10:30.  Then I put her in bed with me – not so much because I’m a big believer in co-sleeping (whatever works for you, I say), but because it’s the only way I can get a decent night’s sleep.  If my husband doesn’t keep me awake with his snoring, that is . . . but that’s a topic for a different day.

So there you have it: semi-sanity, summed up.


5 Comments on “Managing a Large Family”

  1. Carolyn Gabriel
    December 7, 2012 at 6:28 am #

    You have The Brady Bunch plus Scarlett. I don’t know how you do it. It’s good that Mike can help sometimes. The Bradys had that lady who lived there to help. Imagine that! I am tired just thinking of it, a 24 hour a day job that you are managing marvelously.

    • Amen!!
      December 7, 2012 at 11:22 pm #

      Lol that’s right about Brady bunch! They had ALICE. Too funny, how did they afford that? :).

      My birth family was six from remarriage, his, mine & ours during the Brady bunch era. A teacher once had me wrote the “Last name situation” rather than family description cause I was number four down the chain & we were together since I was five & oldest was eight.

      Lots of fun; my stepmom was hyper-super OCD but we had no friends over ever besides neighbors passing review within a few houses & we did no activities unless afterschool (more common then–afterschool sponsored things starting middle school) and there was transportation home; parents didn’t attend events we did either but those are due to more than just big family issues but other unrelated complications..

      Good luck keeping it all going EVERY DAY! You rock and are a blessing to witness.

  2. Amy
    December 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

    Umm wow….When I compare your routine to mine I realize I micro-manage too much. This was helpful, thanks Lisa 🙂

  3. Amen!!
    December 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm #

    Sounds very sane, what about soccer/activities? You have your own team so you can do it at home/in a park. Weekends?

    You left out school nights/activities, doctors visits, teacher conferences/IEP, diaper explosions, potty time and grocery/clothes/supplies shopping and ten thousand other things like tantrums, sad days & your blog/writing. 😈

    But great overall high level summary. I’d get those beds made by kids or either its not worth the discussion but yikes, that would not happen here no way. But good for you-that’s a ton to do!!

  4. Amen!!
    December 7, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    Also there is a movement afoot to do away with homework. Our school is switching for some teachers towards longer term projects (worse in some ways but removing the daily grind). We have mostly a math sheet, practice spelling (no assignment anymore-words your way sort/suggestions not collected,y kids are okay spellers so far so we rarely do anything but spell aloud once or three times total over the four days).

    Sane teachers gave more homework for older siblings. The same assignments like spelling busy work is done in school. It’s good!

    I’ve had preschool parenting classes say to just return the homework or tell teacher no. Right size for child–if it takes too long, do less with right incentives. Some kids might need extra!

    But even with minimal homework, many students don’t complete it! Lots are in aftercare so maybe they do but other parents aren’t bothering!

    Good luck and modify based on personality–get outside with that team of kids! Just do it if you dare or have homework free Wednesday…!!

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